【 治療師日誌：鄧智珊 Canna Tang】 上月見到一宗新聞，講述網絡上出現了一種叫誇誇群的文化，群組中只有欣賞、沒有批評，好讓組中成員得到心靈慰藉。撇開後期衍生「誇誇買賣」或稱讚質素參差的問題不說，這現象正好表現一個重要訊息，「被讚賞」是一個在成長中對自我建立極重要的經驗。華人社會常常視讚賞為洪水猛獸，生怕讚得多會讚壞。我入校時曾遇過一位中學男生，在活動中嚐到人生第一次被同學讚賞，感到不知所措，問我該如何應對。我說「你就大方接受呀，感謝對方就可以了」。然後，他羞澀地說了句「多謝你」。你看看，我們的學生們活了十幾年都未嚐過一句讚賞，難道他就絲毫沒有值得欣賞的地方嗎？ 但重要歸重要，都不是亂讚就會有效，都要有點質素的讚賞才成事。係呀！讚人都要學的。我們日常生活中聽到最多的讚賞不外乎是「你好靚呀」、「你好瘦呀」、「你考試好高分呀」、「你今次名次好高喎」、「嘩你份工好好搵喎」、「你好勁呀屋企好大呀」。等等，只讚我靚，那如果我病了或老了不再「靚」了，那我是不是沒價值了？只讚我成績好，哪天我失手了，或其他同學成績更好了，那他們小小的自我認同是不是都崩毀了？只讚我賺大錢住大屋，有一日如果金融風暴生意失敗了，那我還剩下什麼值得我驕傲的？無怪乎以往的經濟跌盪除了造成人們的荷包損傷，還一下子重創多少人的心靈和自我價值。似乎我們的讚賞總是圍繞一個人的外貌、成績、成就、名利等身外物，從來都捉不緊、留不穩。如果將個人價值建立於這些虛無的東西上，稍有差池，個人價值就隨著人生境遇的跳盪而冰散瓦解。 相反，每個人都有其獨特而美麗的性格特質，例如堅毅、細心、專注、欣賞美好事物的能力、寬容、正義感、創造力、
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